495: Unlocking Career Fulfillment By Shifting Your Mindset

Kat Bolikava 00:01

I never really stopped to listen to myself, or to ask myself, "what is it that you're passionate about?"

Introduction 00:14

This is the Happen To Your Career podcast, with Scott Anthony Barlow. We help you stop doing work that doesn't fit you, figure out what does and make it happen. We help you define the work that's unapologetically you, and then go get it. If you feel like you were meant for more and ready to make a change, keep listening. Here's Scott. Here's Scott. Here's Scott.

Scott Anthony Barlow 00:39

Chances are high. You've probably heard the question, "what would you be doing for work if money were no object?" I know it's a pretty common question. It's also a pretty big question. And I don't expect you to have the answer right away. But thinking on that, and being honest with yourself about that, is one way to begin figuring out what you truly want. Often, our goals are so clouded by society standards, and what everybody else thinks you should do, or what a good life looks like, supposedly, or a great career looks like that we never really drill down and figure out what we truly want and what we want to spend our time doing. Even the crazier part, many times, it's our own limiting beliefs that prevent us from seeing how great we already have it.

Kat Bolikava 01:29

How do I get out of this cycle? How do I approach this? Because I see it but it's like a vicious circle that I cannot break. I was completely lost, not knowing what it is that I should be doing. Not even that I wanted to do, but that I should be doing.

Scott Anthony Barlow 01:44

That's Katsiaryna Bolikava, better known by her friends as Kat. Kat had emigrated to the United States, graduated from college, and years later found herself feeling stuck with no idea of how to progress her career. She's always envisioned, she would find her ideal role in the corporate world, and that achievement would be the final puzzle piece that would make everything else in her life fall into place. What she didn't realize was that the job she had been working in for over a decade, just to get by, was actually checking almost all the boxes for what she wanted in her career and her life. So strangely, it turned out that the work she needed to do wasn't actually changing industries or careers. Instead, it was clarifying her vision and challenging her own limiting beliefs. I'm excited for you to hear her talk about her lightbulb moment. Pay attention to that, as we get into this conversation and how this breakthrough opened up so many possibilities for her. Here's Kat talking about her decision to come to the US.

Kat Bolikava 02:51

So my story is somewhat unorthodox. Just because I was born and raised in a foreign country, I was born and raised in Belarus. And I moved to the United States at the age of 19. And I had no intention of staying or sticking around, there was just a college program that allowed me to work and travel. And after I got in, then I realized that I could make something out of myself here without necessarily my parents' help or anyone else's. I just saw the opportunities. And it was more of a gut feeling like I didn't make plans. I didn't bring the money with me. I didn't, like, I had nothing on me, but $500 and a little duffel bag. So it was a totally spontaneous decision. And a lot of people thought that, well, now when people hear my story, they say that, "Oh, you must have been so terrified." And I'm like, actually, "I wasn't. I don't remember being scared. It was just kind of like, I'm going to try it out." Then I thought it was inspiring. I remember myself being very hopeful. I was very much a dreamer back then. And I looked at that, and I was like, wow, it's really about what you can do, what you can make out of yourself. Because I come from a country where if you don't have connections, and I mean, it's true for a lot of countries, including the US, like, of course, like you look at politicians, they come from these families and Ivy League schools and whatnot. But in Belarus, it's very common to see that if your parents don't have connections, or if they didn't make a phone call, then you won't be able to get a job that you should be able to get based on your education. But in America when I got here, and I got my first job as a phone girl at a pizza store, right? And somebody took a chance on me and I crashed on someone else's couch until I figured out where I was gonna stay but it felt achievable. It felt like if I try hard enough, if I work hard, if I'm not afraid to work, if I ask doors below enough for me that it's achievable, I felt very much optimistic and inspired by the fact that I can finally test my own abilities and to see, if I'm as much of a hotshot as I like back in the day. And so yeah, it was definitely challenging, but it was a challenge that I was looking forward to.

Scott Anthony Barlow 05:22

At what point did you realize that you wanted to test that out, per se?

Kat Bolikava 05:31

Well, it was fight or flight. It was, if I don't make it, there's a return ticket home, I still have it as a relic. But I'm like, "I'll give this my best shot. And if I don't make it here in the United States, then I can always come and go back home." But the opportunity, like when people say that this is the country of opportunities, and I hear sometimes people say that, "no, it's a lot harder than people think" It is hard. I'm not gonna lie. I used to work 70-80 hours a week. And I mean, thank God, I was young. I still am. But thank God, I was in my 20s where my body can handle this much walking and pressure, but it's not easy. But it is very rewarding. Like the freedom of decisions I have today, the freedom of lifestyle, the freedom of choice, the open mindedness that I developed, it's just... I would never trade it back for that comfort and kind of this big bubble that I used to have. Yeah, so I believe when people say America is a place of dreams, where dreams come true, I've lifted. I'm living in. And I couldn't agree more. I'm very grateful for every single opportunity this country has provided for me.

Scott Anthony Barlow 06:48

So what happened from there for you?

Kat Bolikava 06:50

When I came to the United States, my first thing was like, my first idea was okay, "I have to get education." So I started going to Community College of Philadelphia and got A's in all the courses. And that was it. I'm like, I have no idea what I'm interested in, because I tried to pursue everything at the same time and get A's and everything. So I never really stopped to listen to myself or to ask myself, "What is it that you're passionate about? What is the one thing that inspires you?" So I was at the crossroads, and my professors were like, "Well, there's a great college. It's called Bryn Mawr College, and it's comparable to an Ivy League school. It's a private girls school." And they were like, "Well, why don't you apply there?" And so after a rigorous process of like writing essays and interviews and references from my professors, I got accepted. And I didn't know what kind of blessing that was going to be because I had no idea what kind of college that was. Like to me, education is education. I had no idea that there's this scale of colleges of like, this is your State Colleges, this is your Ivy League schools, this is the creme de la creme, so I had no idea what I got myself into. And best two years of my life, I managed to go there for junior and senior years, got enough credits to graduate with a degree in political science. And I kind of thought that my life was going to take that path of life speak a couple of foreign languages, I come from a formerly and apparently now an enemy country, and I'm professionally trained in political science. So I thought I was gonna go into the government. I'm like, It's not crazy money, I'm never going to be a millionaire. But at least I'm going to have a nice social packet. I'm going to have a steady job. I'm going to have a career growth. And so that was kind of my line of thinking and reasoning. And I didn't have citizenship until 2017. So it was really hard to apply for jobs, the government's position without citizenship. So that kind of drags the process a little bit. And then after I got the citizenship, I started applying for jobs. And the only thing I could find was a Homeland Security job, a job with Homeland Security to be a Customs and Border Protection Officer, which that's the job where people who are checking the passports and basically your papers as you enter in the country at the airports or land crossings or sea ports. And so I got into that program, I was over the moon, I'm like, "Finally my life is gonna take off, my career is gonna take off." But in the meantime, through college and trying to find some kind of more steady employment, I was working the whole time because I had to provide for myself and pay my tuition and bills. And so I worked at restaurants. I worked at different restaurants. I started as a phone girl, and then I learned how to waitress and then I learned how to bartend and so I did those, I use those skills interchangeably at different places to make a living. And so when I finally got the job with Homeland Security, I thought that that was my big break, I'm like, "Okay, this is it. I'm just gonna suck it up for a couple of years in this entry position, and then doors will open up for me." And I got into the program and they have training in Georgia, it's a Federal Law Enforcement Training Center and I got an injury. It's 2019, I got an injury during the training, and they terminated my employment in December 2019. And they tell me to give me a like, clean, dismissal form. They're like, "no strings attached, go wherever you want." And the only place I've ever known was Philadelphia. So I came back to Philly. And then COVID starts. So again, the feeling was, when I came to the United States at 19, and 10 years later, when I got fired from the job, I felt in the same status that I was 10 years before. So I had no money, no place to stay, no job, no options that I knew off ahead of me. So it was absolutely terrifying. It was devastating. I felt like a failure. And I didn't know if I was gonna come out of it, and how I was going to come out of it. And then COVID started. And that just added insult to injury. So it was a really scary time. And it was only three years ago, like, to think of this, like, I was there recently.

Scott Anthony Barlow 11:28

It's not that long ago. So what happened from there then? What caused you to be able to move through all those feelings, and then move into the next step, what happened next?

Kat Bolikava 11:40

Basically, after recovering my foot, and deriving the pandemic, I found myself at a restaurant against. Restaurants have always been my safe harbor in terms of providing for myself. It's not an amazing income, but it's an income that allows me to feel comfortable. It was comforting that I am doing the job that I know all the ins and outs of, and I'm very good at. But at the same time, it feels like I'm a failure. It's felt like okay, you have all of this education, you come from a different country with all of this background, and your parents are expecting, for whatever reason, my parents opinion of me was really important. And so I felt like I am underperforming. I felt that I'm not using myself to the best of my abilities. I felt like I should aspire to something bigger, something more meaningful, something more fulfilling than a restaurant. I basically looked at a restaurant industry as something to get by on and not as a career. And I think that's where that, not resentment, but the feeling of being accomplished was coming from. And I'm like, "Okay, I need to figure this out. Because I cannot keep applying for governmental jobs that I don't even know I'm going to like, it's just an idea in my head that that's something secure and steady, and it will be a good backbone, but I'm not even sure that this is the right fit for me. So what is the right fit?" I have all of these credentials, I have all of this background, I have all of these experiences where I persevered and pushed through but no results. No relief. No conclusion. I was so frustrated. I was just like, "Okay, how did people find what they find?" So I started looking online. I'm like, career coaching, career coaching here, career coaching there. I was looking on Google, how do people find what they find? How do people figure out what they want to do? How do people change careers? So I just started doing research. And your website popped up. I liked the message that it was Happen To Your Career, and not the other way around. And so I decided to give it a shot. And so I started working with Liz. And it didn't start off well. I came to our first session. And I was the ball of nerves. And I had that attitude of, "Okay, here's what I have. Tell me where I fit."

Scott Anthony Barlow 14:12

Get me all of the answers, Liz.

Kat Bolikava 14:15

And she didn't take it lightly. She was like, "This is not how this works." And she was nice about it. But I just remember that I came in, and we discussed it with her later on, like an hour, like, 18 or 17 sessions. She's like, "You came in with such a desire to prove that you're smart. It's like you came to prove to me that you're intelligent." So I kept saying, "I work at a restaurant. But I'm smart. I don't mind that I work at a restaurant. I'm smart." And she was like, "it was so obvious that you're trying to like, prove something." So that's how it started. And then the turning point was when we got to the ideal career profile.

Scott Anthony Barlow 14:59

Tell me about that.

Kat Bolikava 15:00

So the questions you have on there are very simple. At first glance, I was like, "am I going to be answering these? Like, I'm really seriously, but this is..." Like, no, but like the questions are so simple, like, how long do you want to travel for work? For example, right? It's nothing excruciating. It's nothing that's making you, like, really think. But then when you start, so I looked over it, and I'm like, but then I sat down to look at it, like to answer it. And I started getting into the grips of it like, okay, so how much time do I want off? Do I want to work remotely? Or do I want to work at home? How many hours a day do I want to work? Do I want to work with people? Or do I want to work with machine? Like, it was such a simple question. But when I sat down and started answering those, and then I came to Liz for the next session, and we went over the job that I held at the time, which is the restaurant position, and my restaurant position matched, or satisfied, like 95% of what I want from a job. And that was a turning point in our discussion. Because from then on, I started looking at the restaurant industry, not as just something to get by on, something I do in my spare time, something that is for college students. But I'm like, it can actually be a full time career that will completely satisfy 95% of the needs that I listed that I want– certain flexibility, certain vacation time, certain work hours, certain schedule in terms of not being like rigid nine to five, but having pre mornings and pre night. It was perfect. And that's when Liz and I really started to get into the nitty gritty of it of, "okay, well, how do we make your restaurant job more enjoyable?" Because I liked the place that I'm working at, but I wanted more income, for example. And so we started working towards, "Okay, well, is there a promotion path? Is there room for promotion? Is there room for growth?" And I'm like, "Well, yeah." And so we started pursuing that. And today, I'm not just the bartender / server, I'm an Assistant General Manager, because I brought it up to the GM and I said, "Hey, I love your company. I want to grow with you guys. I look at this industry differently right now. I'm invested, I'm committed. And I'm no longer pursuing government positions. I want to give this a fair shot. This is my career. And because it's my career, I think that I've done for the past 12 or 13 years. And part of that path was with you, I have my experience, I've earned your trust. And now I want to evolve. So I would like for you to train me into a management position. I understand it's not going to happen overnight. But I'm just hoping that's Enzo, which is the name of the restaurant, is growing with the additional revenue with every quarter. I'm just hoping that there might be a position for me as assistant general manager, or something of that sort where I can feel that I'm not stuck in one place. And where I can be compensated more than what I am now, which is the two things that I'm looking for– to grow and to be compensated higher. And to my surprise, he was like, "I actually was gonna ask you if you were interested in one capacity or another because it's really hard for me to manage the whole place by myself in the front of the house and the back. So I need someone that I can delegate some responsibilities to. So I will pitch it to the owner. And we'll see we'll take it from there." And it just kind of everything came together, just from me asking.

Scott Anthony Barlow 18:52

I love that. That's such a great story. Because first, there's so much that goes into that. It seems like it's one simple conversation, however, think about what went into creating that one simple conversation, you had to recognize the patterns and limiting beliefs and mindsets that you are experiencing. And that's one of the things that Liz said over and over. She said that you were very honest with yourself about your limiting beliefs and knew your patterns.

Kat Bolikava 19:22

Thank you. Well, I think you've summarized it very well. And I think that was a big part of my success is that I'm not afraid to say that I noticed that I have this pattern and I have this thought process or cycle that is preventing me from doing something productive for practice. And I'm asking for help. I asked Liz I'm like, "How do I get out of this thought cycle? How do I approach this because I see it but it's like a vicious circle that I cannot break. I was completely lost, not knowing what it is that I should be doing. Not even that I wanted to do but that I should be doing." And Liz was like a mirror for me. She reflected very honestly, everything I pitched at her. But then at the same time, because she's an outsider looking in, she saw kind of all of that scenario playing out. And she's like, "Yeah, but what are you really passionate about? Like, what is it that moves you that doesn't let you sleep at night? What is it that you do when you don't have to be at work?" And I'm like, "I go dance. I go Salsa dance." I was an addict, I was out five nights a week, I would go salsa dancing from like, 11pm to 2am. And then I watched people perform and teach. And I said, "I think I want to do that." And then Liz was like, Okay, and? Are you gonna do something about it?" And I'm like, "Well, I've always wanted to, but I have this imposter syndrome, that I don't have a bachelor's degree, that I don't have a certificate, that I don't... but you know, people come to me and say how amazing I look, but I don't feel qualified. Like, I feel like I need to have someone validating me to be qualified." And she's like, "Okay, let's work on that. Restaurant, we got. Let's work on this part." So I started training at a studio where I saw the potential for getting that, not a peace of mind, but like validation. So the way they teach technique, it's broken down so well, that I would feel very comfortable to break it down to other people. And so I started training there. I had the highest admiration for my instructor, and he saw the potential and the talent in me. And I started expressing to him, like I was more open, I said, "Listen, I think I want to pursue this. I want to be a salsa instructor, but I'm terrified. And I have all of these fears. And I don't really have support outside of my closest friends and my instructors. So what would you say?" And he said, "This is how I started off. It was just something I love doing." And he told me about his story. And it was absolutely inspiring. And he has been having his studio for 17 years now. And he's absolutely successful. And he can provide for himself just by doing that, which was one of my main concerns, if I can provide for myself just by doing salsa. So then Liz and I throw our work together, working on my enforced imposter syndrome. And then she gave me deadlines, up until which I had to accomplish a certain task, like create a flier with myself out there, make myself visible and announce that I'm teaching. And surprisingly, it's like witchcraft or something. I started getting clients. Like I started getting people who reached out to me and said, "Hey, I heard you teach. How much? How can I get in?" And so I started teaching privates at first, which is one on one exercise. And I had a few people sign up for that unexpectedly. And that went well. And then Liz was like, "Well, why don't you try group class? Why don't you try doing something that your instructors are doing?" So that was probably the hardest thing for me out of the whole program is to put myself out there and say, "This is me. I'm teaching, this is what I charge. This is the place. Come up." Like when I posted that flier on social media, I felt like I jumped off a cliff. Like I held my breath, as I'm pushing the button to post it. I cannot tell you that internal feeling of, it literally felt like I just jumped off a cliff and I didn't know if I was going to land. That was the feeling. Even though I was standing on the floor in a perfectly warm place with a phone in my hand. That's how terrified I was. But I find that those moments alone of me putting myself out there for the rest of the world to see, the biggest accomplishment of this whole program that I've taken with you guys, because that was the most fearful thing I probably ever had to do. Because it was conscious. It was overcoming my fears and challenges and overcoming this impostor syndrome, feeling and actually believing that I can do this, not from a certificate but believing because I feel it within myself that I can do this. So yeah. And then I had my first group class, six or seven people signed up. I had a four week cycle, it went great. And then my instructor in Jersey City offered me to teach at his studio once a month, which is a new development but I couldn't be more grateful because I look up to him. I mean, he's not a DD but I really look up to him. I think that he has really high standards. His studio has really high standards for teaching and I was just really shocked when he said, "why don't you come and teach for me?" I'm like "okay." So between January when I started taking classes, well, sessions with Liz and joined your program until September when I finished, my life changed in so many ways that I cannot even start to describe. It is like it changed my professional life at a restaurant changed, my self esteem of myself changed. I started teaching the things I love teaching. I gained more faith in myself. I understand myself better of what I want from a job and what I don't want, what I will accept, and what I won't accept, is just so many things. So between January and September, I've made more progress than in the past five years, trying to accomplish things on my own. And I give a lot of credit to your program and to Liz like to her sessions, because her talking me through it. And kind of allowing me and helping me not to get caught up in my own ideas and thoughts, but see a broader perspective, just cleaned open that mind a little bit that made a world of difference. And sometimes you just... it's like therapy. It's like therapy, but for your career.

Scott Anthony Barlow 26:06

Well, we are definitely not therapists, but I do immensely appreciate the really kind words. And I think that it's important to recognize that you're the one who did all of the hard work here. And it is not easy to do what we've just talked about. And you talked about going through and identifying what creates an amazing opportunity for you, what does extraordinary look like for you. And that's not easy work. It looks simple. But it's not easy work to go through and making all of these tiny decisions about what is wonderful. And when you do that, when you do that difficult work, then that's where those opportunities start to become visible. And I think that's what's fascinating about your story, many of these things were right there in front of you the whole time.

Kat Bolikava 26:55

It were. But I couldn't see them. Or I didn't allow myself to see them until I had someone holding my hands and telling me, "Look at this. And look at that. And look at that low hanging fruit. Why aren't you taking it?" So I've always had myself, right? You said that it's all my accomplishment. And I appreciate that. It was hard work. But I've been working hard for the past, what is it? 13 years that I'm in America, but it's only in the past. What is it seven months? That I actually was able to gain some really significant results where I feel at peace. I came into your program feeling restless, not knowing what I wanted to do, seeking for answers, feeling like a failure, feeling desperate, frustrated, all of those emotions. And today I'm speaking to you feeling at peace. Yes, there is room for improvement. Yes, I can do more things with salsa. Yes, I can pursue some better opportunities in terms of restaurant career. But I'm at peace. And I can do that from the place of, like, groundedness. I'm not just grabbing in any possible opportunity. I'm just grounded. And I can choose "Okay, this works. This fits my criteria." And I'm not desperate to just grasp at any straw that is going to be shown in front of me, whether it fits me or not, because a government job, to be honest, probably would have never fit me. I would probably be miserable there because they give you two weeks on vacation, which would have never worked for me because I go to see my family, my parents are aging, it's just not something that would have worked for me. It's very rigid. It's like nine to five, very strict, very black and white, very. And I'm all, like, cheery and flamboyant and outgoing. And I love loud and I love talking to people, probably Homeland Security or National Security Agency would not have been a good fit for me.

Scott Anthony Barlow 28:56

Terrible fit for you.

Kat Bolikava 28:57

But this is where I was trying to get in. Because in my mind, it made sense. It's secure. It's a reliable career, I will have a career ladder, and bla bla bla bla bla, completely disregarding how it made me feel. Because to me it was, you have to achieve. It's not about what you feel, it's about what you should achieve, you should do that. And it made me completely miserable and restless. And I didn't see the break in that vicious circle until I came to your program. And Liz and that questionnaire that you have for your ideal career profile made me recognize that I'm actually living the life that I'm very comfortable in. I mean, yes, there are improvements and yes, like I've reached for them and I've gained them with Liz's help, but I didn't recognize that I was already in the place where I was meant to be in. And another interesting fact, when I went to college overseas because I was in my second year of college before I moved to the United States, my degree was called restaurant and hotel business.

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:03

Oh, interesting.

Kat Bolikava 30:05

Yeah, so I've been working in accordance with my major, not my second major, but my first major for the past 13 years without even recognizing it, that was the right fit all along.

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:22

Hey, many of the stories that you've heard on the podcast are from listeners that have decided that they wanted to take action, and taking the first step of having a conversation with our team to try and figure out how we can help. And if you want to implement what you have heard, and you want to completely change your life and your career, then I would invite you to do the same, let's figure out how we can help support you. So here's what I would suggest, just open your phone right now and go to your email app, and I'm going to give you my personal email address, scott@happentoyourcareer.com just send me an email me and put 'Conversation' in the subject line. And when you do that, I'll make sure you get to the right person on our team, and you can have a conversation with us. We'll try and understand your goals and what you want to accomplish in your career no matter where you're at. And we can figure out the very best way that we can help you and your situation. So open up right now and drop me an email, put 'Conversation' in the subject line; scott@happentoyourcareer.com.

Scott Anthony Barlow 31:24

Here's a sneak peek into what we have coming up in store for you next week.

Speaker 3 31:24

If you're thinking about career change, if this has been on your mind at all, to me, that means there's a part of you, probably your gut, your intuition, that's trying desperately to get your attention.

Scott Anthony Barlow 31:43

I was recently in Charleston, South Carolina, and the tour guide was stopping us every few minutes to let us know a fun fact. But our facts actually weren't all that fun. They were facts, but they were not that exciting. However, I want to tell you a fun fact. But I also want to preface it saying it's science related. So you know, stick with me here. Did you know that scientists call the stomach the second brain? You may have heard that before. There's actually a network of 100 million neurons lining your entire digestive tract. That means that your brain is constantly working in tandem with your gut. Everyone knows what it feels like to have a pit in your stomach as you weigh a decision. That's the gut talking loud and clear. So when it comes to your career, and you feel like something is wrong, that's actually a wonderful indicator for you to stop, reevaluate, and choose a different direction.

Scott Anthony Barlow 32:40

All that and plenty more next week right here on Happen To Your Career. Make sure that you don't miss it. And if you haven't already, click Subscribe on your podcast player so that you can download this podcast in your sleep, and you get it automatically, even the bonus episodes every single week, sometimes multiple times a week. Until next week. Adios. I'm out.